When the Fairy Dust Settles

When you get through the excitement of your marriage and the fairy dust from you fairy tale wedding settles, don’t be surprised to see the world again. Life as you suspended it in all your bliss has been waiting for you, waiting to welcome you back the task of everyday living.

We have been socialized to think this is some kind of red flag, an alert to start panicking. Have we lost that lovin’ feelin’? Was it all just a fairy tale, after all?

This is part of the reality you must keep a grip on when you do get married. The buildup, the excitement, the entire rush of before, during and immediately after – My God, it’s better than any substance born of nature or man!

And just because you come out of your honeymoon coma and wake up to Monday again with all its meetings, and clients, responsibilities, projects, and ROUTINE, doesn’t mean you’ve lost a damn thing. It doesn’t mean anything but welcome back to the world.

Congratulations on your successful trip to paradise, but Houston, the eagle has landed. And instead of getting caught up in the “well, this is the end of the honeymoon phase,” remind yourself that this is the beginning. The beginning of your “real” life together.  Guess what?  You are both human after all, and yes, you both do human things like scratch unconsciously, burp, leave the cap off the toothpaste, forget to pick up socks and underwear, and other nightly emissions will erupt now that you begin to RELAX and be yourselves.

It’s a weird transition when you realize what’s happening and actually feel the transition, but don’t panic. It’s natural. You’re experiencing growing pains. Don’t panic AND don’t think negatively.

You’ll be surprised to find that what looks like the ordinary world isn’t really what’s returned. The reason why it feels like it does is because you’ve changed or you wouldn’t notice the return at all. You are in a different place and beginning a new journey in your life. You’ve got the same world to work with but a brand new set of tools, and a mate, to get ‘er done.

Rejoice in your return to earth. It means you’re ready to get back on the ground and make some tracks.

The M Word

I’ve tried to decide how to discuss this as logically as possible, to escape anyone’s excuse that I may be just a little emotional and therefore, hormones are simply to blame.  With that said, here goes:

Let’s play a game.  Read the following word and notice the first thing that pops up in your mind.  Ready?  Okay:

MARRIAGE

Now, I really don’t want to get caught up in what marriage is, but I do want to explore what it isnt, and how I intend to that is to ask the following.  When you saw the word “marriage,” did you think:

1.  Tax breaks

2.  Health benefits

3.  Social Secrurity benefits

4.  Sex

5.  Death benefits

6.  Insurance benefits

7. Inheritance

8. Status

9. Spousal Exemptions

10. Bereavement

Were ANY of these the first thought  you had when you saw the word marriage?

I would have to guess that the answer is no.  I would think most people would think union, family, committent or church.  I’d even go with ceremony, but to immediately think of a benenfit-related characteristic?  I doubt it.

So, when I am in a church that allows an alternative union to be made, that is about union, family, and committment, don’t be afraid, or hesitate, or think there is no word … Yes, we got married.  The same vow to each other, before God, our supportive friends and family, and to our community.

What seems to make the difference – the “benefits”?  So, if there are no legal benefits, then my marriage is of less value or not even comparable or worth the recognition as a traditional marriage?  Is that what makes a marriage – the perks?  I would think to make this life altering step without the advantage of benefits would say a lot about what this couple is doing and just how significant and in high regard they hold the institution, and each other.  If there weren’t instant perks, would you still get married?  Why did you?  If the answer is because you were in love, then love makes a marriage, so why is it so hard to call what I’ve done a marriage?

I’m not here to argue the right to benefits.  That’s a discussion for another time.  I am, however, proposing that whether legally recognized or not, when one person makes a lifetime committment to love, cherish, and care for another individual and exchanges and seals that agreement with a symbol of their bond and union, you don’t have to hesitate.  You don’t even have to say the word if it bothers you that much.  But at the very least, say congratulations.  Every union deserves at least that much by now, or so I would think.

Thoughts On Marriage

I finally have some time to sit and allow all my thoughts to gather in one place, into one voice, although I am not going to try and regulate them into some flight pattern. I am just going to let them flow -

Of marriage I can say this, you will be transformed. If you’re doing it because you are ready to declare yourself as committed to a partnership, committed in mind, body, and soul to this one person, ready to be held accountable for that union by God and your community, and most importantly, to each other, then you will find that the experience is truly life altering.

This not about your day in the sun. This is not about presents and recognition. It’s not about getting noticed. It’s not about romance, a ring, and a new dress. It’s about taking your life, and the life of your partner, and creating another part of life that you share for the rest of your lives based on the love you have for each other. And if you have even the slightest “escape clause” in your mind, you’re not ready. And even though you might go through the motions, you still won’t get it.

I feel like I’ve gone through a metamorphosis, completing a phase of development, and emerging a new being in a huge, new world bursting with possibilities. I walk my path, as my partner does, but we don’t have to walk our paths alone. We walk them together, sometimes meeting up at a fork in the road because I have to go to this way and she has to go that way to get what we need at that time for our personal growth, goals, and development, but always, we meet back up, at the same place, at the same time.

There is magic in marriage. You realize the relevance of your own existence and your place in the grand scheme of the cycle of life. You realize what you are made of and who you are and your willingness to devote that to, and share that with, this one person alone from this day forward. You realize at that moment when your are greater than yourself, that the me of you has been extended to a we, and taking that promise you have made as you take your partner’s hand, and holding it as a precious piece of life itself. Of your very existence.

When you look into your partner’s eyes and you share your vows, your eyes are truly opened along with your heart. You will feel the emotion roll and tumble like a wave, you’ll lose your breath only to catch it again in between the tears you cannot hold back, not that you want to. You will feel like you’ve got the whole world in your hands, and that if you died right at that moment, you would go without regret, without reservation, in total and complete happiness and bliss… in peace.

The overwhelming sense of peace, hope, optimism, and pure unconditional love you feel is like nothing you could ever imagine, no matter how much you might try. No words could ever capture how you feel. It’s a joy to last a lifetime, one that will carry you through the challenges and hard times that will come, through the years into the last moments you will share one another’s breaths.

I understand why marriage is sacred. I understand why it should not be entered into lightly. I understand why it is forever. I understand why it exists. I understand why it is such a tragedy when one ends. I value and appreciate marriage in more ways than I could have ever imagined. I know why God made one for one. I know why God wants us to have a mate and commit to that mate formally. And I know now more than ever why we love and the purpose for that love. We don’t marry because we’re in love. We marry because we’re ready to begin living, as lifetime companions.

And if you’re not ready for better and for worse, richer and poorer, sickness and in health, keeping only to that person, ‘til death do you part, then wait. Don’t get caught up in the hype. Sure it’s a rush. It’s exciting. It’s a rite of passage we’ve all been socialized to look forward to. But it’s also about transforming your life with the life of your partner and the effect you will have on the world around you. You’re not just getting married. You’re beginning what will be your legacy.

If life is just a hyphen between two dates, then the least we can do is make it bold. Live and love like today is your last day on earth. Remember that no matter what goes on in the world, your home is what really matters at the end of the day. Wake up and go to bed with a smile on your face. Hold each other like you’re taking your last breath. And laugh, never forgetting that, as the Beatles wrote, the love you take is equal to the love you make, and love is made best when two become one.

The Pair A Dice Ranch

He follows her into the fields where in his Mustang they made tracks in dirt roads, smoke filled curtains disguising their trail while running away to the shade under a hundred year old oak, horse blanket spread beneath branches long and strong reaching up to heaven, opening wide, nothing hidden, nothing between them, just the sound of the wind whipping through the tall rye, rubbing one blade against the other as seeds dropped one at a time on the earth, fixing themselves into tiny cracks where they sink deeply into tiny fissures anticipating the first drops of rain to nourish them and make them burst into new growth, maturity achieved upon the warm touch of his hand on her body, the heat of his lips pressed against hers, the power of his muscled body underneath the tender skin of her youthful hands, her fingers gliding through the soft layers of hair trickling down in the shape of a Y, straight down and disappearing behind the weight of his belt buckle, tossing bones in the dirt, they take the first of what would become many a chance in the fields behind the Pair A Dice Ranch.

Swallow from the South

She reached out her hand in the dark and

Slid down her palm through the branches

Seemingly seamless until she reached their peak

Seeds cradled in between tight lipped folds of

Sun flower petals trimmed short to the touch

Savoring the sunlight she brought through the

Shadows peering through white washed wooden

Shades streaming the light of day as

Softly as the trickle of a dew drop falling

Slowly to the ground

Saturating the rich earth with

Subtle hues of golden threads

Slow-dancing across the flowered bed

Sparkling with silk kisses drawing the

Soul of her lover resting beneath the palm

Sipping each moment

Splashed with precisely placed

Splendor like a the tip of a dipped brush

Strokes the canvass one bristle at a time

Smoothing over the edges and

Saturating her in sweat and the

Sweet savory scent of the South that

Sails upward on the whispers inhaled through

Supple wisps rippling over every inch of hot

Springs springing forth from the well

She’s hand dug, life giving water

Swelling, bringing the wetlands with her

Silver tongue preaching the word

Seek and ye shall find, reap what ye

Sow and the truth

Shall set you free,

Shout hallelujah and pass the plate

Salvation is near! And the angel in her pocket

Sang, “Sanctuary” as the bells rang,

Sable pelt wrapped around her arm dripping with

Sugary pearl drops of delight,

Second hand rose pulsing deep inside

So ready to burst into bloom, not waiting for the

Signal to turn green, running red lights before

She runs out of steam,

Slow motion rider,

Stamina in the middle, little

Sachet for later,

Southern comfort in

Season, flame flickers now

Succoming to the

Splendor she’s

Spread between her fingers

Steeped in honey

Suckle and honey dew

Surrendering with a final blow

Shot between scented magnolia leaves

Slightly parting, revealing glistening ruby seeds,

Savored as sweetly as a

Swallow from the South.

Blue Moonshine

in the middle of the woods

where you invite me to ride

resides the still dripping

with your magic brew,

potion born of fruits

lying in darkest shadows

growing from aged vines,

roots deep in historical seed,

planted firmly with strong hands,

unseen by univited eyes  -

by invitation only have they been

picked, peeled and eaten.

into your private space

where you hide i come

to you at your request

to take a sip of something

you”ve prepared just for us.

no other lips have touched

this melody of nature’’s chemistry,

fermentating over decades

waiting for this moment

when in secret you pull the plug,

uncork sensuous harmonies

floating over the tongue and

dancing over lips glistening

with bacchanal sin.

the cup runneth over and over

again and again,

pulsing towards the air

and folding into gravity

over the rim and into

the pool only to rise for more,

never ending fountain of youth,

seal broken,

the last virgin bud plucked

and supped like the honey

held captive in the center of the oak.

divine drink born of your hand

known to none other,

a shared cup brought as one

when your piece was joined

with mine and desires deep

resurrected in time

with the pulse that turns

blood into wine,

and we feast upon

what is ours alone

from this day on,

limited edition,

special reserve,

your own blend of

Veuve Clicquot di Ponsardin

enhanced with a twist of you.

Freedom To Marry Week

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Uniquely One – A Valentine

www.artreview.com

I’ve walked down roads that I thought

Held the answers I’d been looking for,

Billboard faces advertising dreams come true,

Vacation spots with no real satisfaction,

Temporary relaxation,

Paradise eluded to,

Playing house with a wild heart,

Roaming with cause,

Searching,

Restless,

So into making instead of being,

Forcing square pegs into round holes,

Laying down in beds of flowers,

Waking up empty,

Settling for and slowly dying,

Trying to give up on this ideal.

Fantasies don’t come true,

They said,

Sometimes you just take what you can get,

And when I tried it their way,

I lied and killed a part of me,

Sacrificed innocent parties,

Bodies lying in the wake

Of this false crusade,

Lying to myself,

Fooling no one but myself,

Becoming my own enemy,

Giving up on something more

Playing a game of superficial means,

Thinking I knew so much,

Thinking I had so much,

And knowing deep inside

It still wasn’t enough.

And when in my disguise

I met you eye to eye

The jester you exposed

Beneath the knight’s clothes,

You called me out to be myself

You dared me to just be

For you saw what was inside

And you invited me to come out,

Invited me to be, not for anything else,

But for the sake of me,

And perhaps in the aftermath,

That then we could really meet.

I realize now that doing so

Was not a dissection, not a rejection,

But an invitation to walk through

Your life’s door.

After these few years, I already know

I never knew peace until

I found you.

I never knew joy until I

Laughed with you.

I never knew happiness until

I lived with you.

I never understood love until

I loved you.

All that I thought I knew

I did not know until

I met you.

I never knew me

Until I was filled.

Until you.

With all our ups and downs,

The trials by fire,

The heaven we have touched,

The hell we have walked,

We remain together.

We belong together.

From now until the end of time,

My heart is yours and yours is mine,

From this life into the next,

Nothing shall ever keep us apart.

We have been.

We are.

We shall evermore be…

Uniquely one.

Stranger Passion

In silent rooms she listens to the wind

Crawling between limbs

Calling out her name in passion

Far gone from her hearth

No fires lit in years

From the night they first kissed

After the bells tolled of their

Long awaited wedded bliss

She his prize won with promises

Richly written in silver and gold

Fine print detailing the length of

Her stay as one of the many

Other things he collects

Newness worn away once

Her virgin lace had been taken

Just another conquest with a name

Til the stranger rode by

Stopped invited to the table

By her husband as a fellow collector

Of fine things

They shared stories and wine

Told fortunes under the tick of

A gold watch swinging

From the stranger’s vest pocket

Long hung braided artwork

From Spain swirling in fingertips

Strong hands darkly contrasting

With the nimble hands of her

Accountant husband

Hands used to handling the soft pages

Of bills and a callous creating quill

No real exposure to the elements

No muscle developed in the handling of

Power on four legs

Black as night

Feathered delight

Hard on the body

Hard body

From head to toe

Watch every muscle flow

In his rugged face

This strange face

Haunting her in her dreams

As she watches for him

And turns away

Empty ….

THEN

 

Scratch upon the glass

Soft at first and then determined

She turns and through the fog

She sees him

His dark green eyes

Glowing

She walks to the window

Opens it wide

Takes the hand he holds out to her

And falls into his arms

Legs wrapping around his waist

She presses against him

Hot cold breath burns her skin

She lays her head to one side

And gives to him the last

Of her virgin skin

The pain of his fangs burning

Deeply in rhythms taking her into

A passion she’d long forgotten

Passion almost completely lost

Until this man

Until this moment

When he freed her soul

By unlocking death’s door.

Blue Sleighty’s “Right To Remain Silent”

As we lay spent in each other’s arms, my mind wandered to cosmic places, and a thought occurred to me, which I felt oddly compelled to communicate. “Joie?” I whispered. “Yes, baby?” “You know how sometimes you meet someone, and it just feels like you’ve known them forever?” I asked sweetly. Joie hesitated before answering with a tentative “yes?” “Well,” I said, “that ain’t us” (p 74).

The city. A neon framed world where anything can happen and often does. Where in the night sky shines a beacon of possibilities and in the shadows lurks excitement and danger. Who is that stranger and what could they be hiding beneath that coat? Could it be cupid is disguise or a wolf in tailored clothing?

Blue Sleighty’s “Right To Remain Silent” takes the reader by the hand and into the world of bar room seduction, the hope for more than a one night stand, and the dangerous line we all walk when we’re searching for love beyond sunrise.

As the story opens, Blue is once again in recovery. Never one to give up, she returns to the playing field she is most familiar with – her favorite lesbian bar. Heading into the night with her usual flair, she “had already decided . . . that night, that someone would be accompanying me home when I returned. And, I couldn’t wait to meet the lucky girl- whoever she may be” (p 7).

In vivid description, the reader takes a walk on the wild side and experiences the G Spot through Blue’s eyes. As she ponders all the possibilities, she is pleasantly surprised by a little taste of New Orleans personified in the confident and stylish lesbian named Joie.

Joie approaches without hesitation and soon acquaints Blue with the irresistible charms of The Big Easy. Just as quickly as one can fall in love with New Orleans, Blue is captivated and swept away by Joie. From the moment they first lay eyes on each other, there is a combustible chemistry, both burning for each other from the start. Within forty-five minutes they are enroot to Blue’s place.

The tension mounts as the seduction continues on its course, each moment filling with their desire to consume one another. Sleighty’s descriptions are hypnotic, and it’s easy to get absorbed into their energy. The heat radiates from the pages and carries the reader over from a steamy night into an even more scorching morning. By the time they are through, Blue has no doubt that she has fallen in love again and all seems like a new, happy future for her, until….

You’ve never known good love to go bad so quickly, and to make it worse, Blue doesn’t know why. The mystery continues as Blue tries to overcome her most quick heartbreak, only to find Joie return to her life and, because of how sexually energized they are with each other, continue to turn a blind eye.

But when Joie displays behavior too strange to ignore, it’s Blue’s roommate, Dee, who has to break the news to her. Dee, a rookie cop, cares deeply about Blue, enough to shock her into reality when need be. She and Blue share a wonderful friendship where honesty is always the best policy, like it or not. When Dee delivers the truth about Joie, Blue is faced with potential decisions she would rather not have to make. Because of how she feels about Joie, Blue decides to lay low about Dee’s news, and her claim on the right to be silent gets her more than she could have ever bargained for.

Sleighty gives us a story filled with humor, hopes and dreams. She explores our tendency to associate good sex with falling in love and combines her story with passionate responses and relatable actions and consequences. Sleighty also shares insight on life’s ironies and what it means to “make hay while the sun shines”. Sleighty spares nothing from her readers and the emotional journey she takes them on is worth every minute of the read from some of the most erotic sex to some of the most disappointing heartaches of all.

There’s a survivor in Blue, one that gives us more than a series of sexual escapades and adventure. Sleighty has created a hero in Blue, one that champions for us all with a sharp wit and a sharp mind. She lives life to the fullest. She is a risk taker. She loves hard with all her body and heart. She takes a licking and keeps on kicking ass. And always, she takes life’s disappointments with a shrug of her shoulders, a dusting off of her heart, and a confident step towards whatever lies over the next hill.

“The Right To Remain Silent” must be heard. Read it. Listen. Then understand why sometimes the best answer to heart break is a good friend and a hot cup of coffee.

http://www.lulu.com/bluesleighty

J. Aguilera, MLA

Professional reviewer, writer and poet

January 2, 2009